The President

by

Jeffrey Taylor

(White House Aide, Louis Caldera, is called into Obama's office. The following story is true, except for some of the facts and most of the words.)

Caldera

You wanted to see me.

Obama

Just a minute. Geitner and I are trying to figure out how to fix the economy.

Caldera

Do you want me to come back at a better time?

Obama

No. Have a seat.

(Caldera sits down)

Obama

No. Not there. That's where the White House dog sits. Pisses on anything he likes. Sit over there.

(Caldera wipes his pants dry and moves to another chair. Twiddles thumbs for a couple of seconds that seem to feel like hours).

Obama

Heard you authorized Air Force One to fly over NYC and didn't tell anyone?

Caldera

Yes and no.

Obama

Explain.

Caldera

We needed new photo ops and I told Bloomberg's secretary we needed to fly over the Statue of Liberty when the sun was good. But the sight of the huge plane flying low toward Manhattan's skyscrapers, trailed by an F-16 fighter jet, terrified many New Yorkers and led to evacuations of some buildings. Some feared a replay of the 9/11 attacks.

Obama

Uh-huh.

Caldera

Well, it seems that she never told Bloomberg.

Obama

Did you tell her it was a military secret?

Caldera

Yes and no. I told her I was the White House Military Office Director. She must have assumed.

Obama

Why did a F-16 escort Air Force one?

Caldera

We needed some one to take pictures. What we did not expect is the utter panic it caused flying over the spot where the World Trade Center used to stand.

Obama

You didn't expect people to come out and see what was going on?

Caldera

Not really. We thought people would be focusing on finding jobs. No one ever looks up in New York. Makes them look like tourists.

Obama

Did you ever think of Photoshopping some of our old stuff?

Caldera

Photoshop?

Obama

So, how much did this cost?

Caldera

$300,000.

Obama

$300,000 for a photo?

Caldera

The three-hour roundtrip flight from Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland cost more than $300,000.

Obama

I don't get it.

Caldera

That was the closet F-16 we could find at the moment.

Obama

How good is the photo?

Caldera

Not bad. We could have done better. We used one of those disposable cameras.

Obama

We didn't use a military camera?

Caldera

No, sir. To keep costs down we used a disposable cameras we picked up at CVS. Military cameras would have been too expensive.

Obama

What about the FAA?

Caldera

We told the Air Force who told the FAA what we needed. It appears that the FAA decided to keep it a secret.

Obama

So, several federal and state agencies were involved. How many manhours? I mean, people hours!

Caldera

Have no idea.

Obama

Did you know what was going on?

Caldera

They e-mailed me on April 20. But, I didn't read the e-mail until a week later.

Obama

Why?

Caldera

They sent the e-mail to my White House Military Office email account which I don't check as frequently as my White House office account. On top of that I was taking medication to relieve back spasms after a trip to Mexico.

Obama

What were you doing in Mexico?

Caldera

Checking out the Swine Flu.

Obama

You mean the H1N1 virus.

Caldera

Whatever.

Obama

You know I have to fire you.

Caldera

I know.

Obama

Don't worry. We need a new Ambassador to Mexico. The last one got sick.

THE END